I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s not fair 🙁

I do not enjoy anything in life either, except my children. Everything else leaves me distracted and depressed. I cannot focus on anything except my constant intrusive thoughts, 24/7. I have no quality of life anymore. So many horrible, unjust things have happened to me that I can’t stop obsessing about them and my inability to make things better. It’s a vicious cycle! I’m depressed and insecure (outside of motherhood) therefore nothing brings me joy. The lack of joy makes me insecure and depressed and I don’t know how to break the cycle. I’m on one mood stabilizer and one mild anti depressant and the only thing they help with is the mood swings (bipolar II) so now I’m a complete zombie plus I’ve gained 50 lbs from a fibromyalgia drug that I have to take to function. Again the vicious cycle; I think I’m disgusting and want to cry when I look in the mirror but I’m 44 years old and it’s too much work, and pain, to get in shape. So again, I feel like I’m totally disgusting therefore that adds to my depression and loneliness. I refuse to date after being single for 5 years because I obsess about being pathetic.

I need therapy and will hopefully start soon. I believe you could benefit from the same. I wish you well

I agree 100%!! I’m sorry that you had to deal with all of that abuse, it makes me sick to think about.

I had to grow up in a terrible, neglectful, abusive (sexual abuse for 3 long years ages 5-8 and watched mom get beaten unconscious right in front of me), mentally unstable, addict/alcoholic household and those are not even all of the struggles.

I read books constantly to drift away from reality, and also turned into a bit of a daydreamer/worrier at a very young age. Maybe I was more of a worrier now that I think about it. But I did read books to the extreme, sometimes reading the same book ten times just to ignore real life.

And then there’s the daydreaming theory. Generally for daydreamers, it’s because your right brain is more active & prominent than the left and works independently, often giving you the potential to multi-task. Right brainers frequently become artists, creators, writers, inventors, scientists, because your brain never shuts down, not even when you sleep; you remember most dreams vividly. Daydreaming enables you to conceive new projects while the other part of your brain is doing the boring technical part. The left brain is mechanical & will function out of habit while the other side is busy doing new fun stuff. I’m not saying it’s not potentially dangerous as I was once composing an entire chapter for a book in my mind and I hadn’t even realised that I was no longer at a desk, I woke up behind the wheel realising that I was driving at relatively high speed in a tunnel. But somehow my subconscious knew at what time to leave, where my car was parked, I apparently paid the parking fees and went off my merry way respecting the highway’s speed limits. I’d compare it to somnambulism. Somehow, my left brain is able to take charge of an insane amount of stuff without me being present. It handles the crappy routine part of my life. Am I bat shit insane or ADHD? Well, according to medical science I am. But I don’t see it as an attention deficit, I see it as the opposite, a gift that permits you to concentrate on several things at a same time. Often as a child I was WAYYYYYYY far in my mind, my thoughts weren’t even in class anymore, I was visualising a better life and things that made me happy such as art & animals and yet, when the teacher would snap me out of it and all my classmates would laugh ’cause it took several attempts; she’d ask me to repeat the question and I would. It’s really as if you have two brains acting independently. In any case, daydreaming kept me sane and saved my life. I was 12 the first time I attempted suicide, by the age of 14 I was homeless. Even the garbage I was eating from were being taxed by a street gang, so I became their “property” to repay my dues. In dark times like these, if your brain stops providing you with positive outcomes when you’re going through such inhumane situations, you give up, plain & simple.

But of course I have some issues, you can’t survive being abused & bullied half a lifetime and pretend you’re fine (I’m now 50 BTW). But I don’t believe pills are the answer, just a tremendous amount of work on your own behavior, actions & lack of self confidence. Knowing your limits, not putting yourself in positions of potential failure, avoiding being around people who tend to make you feel small, better organising your time to help better organise your thoughts and stop or avoid as much as possible doing the crap your left brain is stuck doing so that your right brain can flourish more. Also, every now & then, stop dreaming and go do what your heart desires every now & then, that helps a lot (unless you’re a serial killer of course! LOL). Find ways to make some of it possible, compromise on what’s less important. Go do it.

If you never treat yourself to the stuff you really wanna do, you’ll end-up feeling trapped your entire life. That’s when you become suicidal. And AGAIN, being suicidal isn’t always caused by a mental disease. If you”ve lost your health, family, job and eventually car & home within a few months due to, say, an accident or such, it’s fricken NORMAL to be depressed. I believe that it should be left to the discretion of the victim what if they wanna go on or not because YES some things ARE too unbearable to deal with. Living the rest of your life as a broken zombie on pills is no way to live. Can some people overcome all this and go on with their lives? Of course, but it’s not given to everyone. If a person has been broken to the point where they no longer live but merely exist, don’t be selfish, let them go. It’s THEIR right. They never asked to be here in the fist place. My cousin lost her 2 year old after 2 years of medical & financial Hell, the doctors didn’t even give her time to grieve, WHICH IS A NORMAL PROCESS. They’ve shoved her with pills right away. Seriously, it’s like it’s not even permitted to be human & have feelings anymore. You have to be functional and productive all the time. I’m sorry but I don’t agree with that.

If a person is struggling and can’t find solutions on their own, it’s fine to get help, in fact, it would be stupid not to, as it’s available in most countries. But if you already know what your issues are and most importantly WHY you’re the way you are, I don’t think any amount of chemicals can help, the only person that can help you be a better you is YOU. Now if you’re too lost, weak or overwhelmed to get yourself out of what you’ve been conditioned for, that’s another matter. Talk about it. But for crying out loud, evaluate all the other options before you accept getting numbed with pills. Therapy is a far better option with a much more effective outcome. Talking about it often helps the most. Once you realise you’re not alone, that half of the planet suffered similar ordeals as you, that’s a relief on its own. Find discussion groups and if there aren’t any, start one, that’s what social medias are for. Just don’t let other people’s problems overcome yours & weight even more on you. Open your right brain to some and shut your left brain to the rest. Live happy, it’s not always easy but you can do it!

Thanks for sharing your experiences! It sounds like daydreaming has both positive and negative aspects for you. BTW, as someone who also has ADHD, congrats on the diagnosis!

I’ll remember that. I m studying psychology in the best French college and I’ll make a thesis about it

This sounds similar to me. I’m 46 and not able to daydream like I used to. When I was a kid I never thrived in school and spent a lot of time alone in my room, daydreaming. Especially after seeing movies or reading books, I could really daydream movie-like and feel all the emotions like you say.

I don’t know what caused these quite pleasant daydreams to be replaced by anxiety. Maybe due to taking on too much responsibility? Work, marriage, kids, house etc. I experience a form of burnout from work that might play a part in it.

Or is it that the imgination required wanes with the years? I hope not, I still have hopes to be able to daydream like I used to.

Hi Andrew, I suffered from it too (diagnosed with ADHD when getting my son assessed at 35years old it explains a lot interestingly I also suffered chronic nightmares as well as happy chronic daydreaming during the day maybe they are trying to cancel each other out lol), 2 things have helped me 1. The ADHD medications and 2. Work which helps me stay in the moment.

I think the effect that economics has on mental health is something we don’t talk about enough. If one in five people in your country can’t find a job, a good therapist can only do so much for your mental health (although of course a good therapist is better than nothing!). Best of luck!